I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
