im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
