The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I currently don't understand fingers.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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