we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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