My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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