My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
