I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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