Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
