Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
sex in a hospital.. check
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
