I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
