I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There r osticjed everywhere
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
