Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You did what with his pubic hair?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize