Just mADE A PArabola og urine
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
