I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
