I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
