just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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