my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
