and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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