I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
