my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
