my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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