I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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