i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it's like iHOP with fire
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
