I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
