my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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