I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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