I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
