She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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