What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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