His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
