It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
