just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
