Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
