She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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