you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
