I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
