i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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