i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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