Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
