Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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