I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
