I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
