LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
