I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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