Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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