16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
