I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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