remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
