Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
