you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize