margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
