Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We're too hungover to prance.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
