dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
