as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She bit a glass in half.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
