how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
