I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
