ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
