i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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