Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
