I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
