Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sorry about my life...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
