He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
