I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
as a side note pls kill me
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