He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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