Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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