burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize