you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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