New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
