Can i not drive my cunt home
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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