Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
