no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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