you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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