I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just come out here and I will go home with you...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
