I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
whose parrot is this?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
