He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
