Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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