He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
