I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
