Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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