I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
