do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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