i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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