I wish I could punch you in the face.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize