Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
