Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
