drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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