i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
