May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
