apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
