That's when you crack a 10am beer
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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