is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
