I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize