Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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