is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
