took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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