You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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