How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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