I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
