i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize