oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
