There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
