I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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