just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
