roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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