I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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