matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
